Staying In Your Lane

The world has become full of ‘helpfulness’ and often times that help isn’t requested…a computer or phone app that provides advice when not asked, a family member or even a stranger trying to be helpful on your task you’re doing or even another golfer stopping at your driving range station with some unsolicited advice. A year or so ago a video went viral of a man approaching a woman at a hitting range with unsolicited advice and was told multiple times by the woman that she was working on something from her coach but his tips kept coming.  Turns out she was an LPGA professional actually working on her swing goals but the person wasn’t getting the hints to cease the advice-giving.  So what can we do when so kindly offered extra help?

People love being helpful and many don’t realize that that are entering into your “lane.”  They are just so keen to make things better with results…they may be more results-oriented than you if you’re working on the Process and not Results yet and not understand the process vs. results aspect.

· Technically when playing golf, a golfer must not give advice or ask anyone for advice (other than a caddie) and the general penalty is in effect (loss of hole in match play or two stroke penalty in stroke play).  In order not to increase the score even more, politely decline with the reminder that you better not take advice as you don’t want an even higher score!  You can read more about it under Rule 10.2 with the USGA.

· At the range you can simply thank the advice-giver and with a smile, say you’ll run that by your coach, then get back to practicing.

· At the range you can thank the advice-giver and ask if you have more questions if you can approach him or her later (you may or may not but that ball in is your court).

· You can simply say thank you and that you are not accepting advice at this time.

· You can mention that research shows that coming across the ‘Ah Ha’ moment yourself will be more impactful than being told by an outside source. I brought Dr. Robert Bjork to a prior Club at which I worked to spend time with our members for a day and his research is fascinating.  This resource may be helpful: https://sanlab.psych.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/13/2016/07/RBjork_Dunlosky_Kornell_2012.pdf

There’s a term called a Helicopter Parent that we’ve become familiar in the youth sports world. Parents who want to be helpful and very involved in their youngster’s activity but sometimes to the detriment of the child with the persistent hovering that can create constant nervousness, fear of doing something wrong or failing, dependence instead of independence and an unhealthy fear of mistakes. Mistakes are actually how we learn and are a positive thing but often misconstrued as negative and therefore the advice is offered in an effort to avoid the embarrassment, frustration or lack of progress that is a normal part of the learning process. Parents and Advice-Givers mean well but the extra help can be stifling.  Sometimes that can extend to a family member or golfers…being “Helicoptered” is challenging at the receiving end at times but hopefully some of the responses may be helpful and setting the stage at the beginning may help.

Nicole Weller instructs local area golfers at Compass Pointe Golf Club in Leland.  Feel free to submit your question or topic for the Nicole’s Notes column via her website ‘Contact Nicole’ page. For more information on Nicole and her tips / videos, visit www.nicoleweller.com.